?

Log in

No account? Create an account
La Belle Vie [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
bellenuitetoile

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

random! [Nov. 5th, 2009|10:41 pm]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |United States, Minnesota, Minneapolis]
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Family Guy on Adult Swim]

This is just random thoughts, go with me on it and giggle- or ignore it.

There is ABSOLUTELY no reason any grown man should wear tightie whities. The only exception to that rule is if you have an excessively large schlong, or you're 8. Being a grown man means you get to wear nifty boxers or tight briefs that show off a nice ass and/or package.

An ex-boyfriend who shall remain nameless always wore tightie whities. I did not date him long enough to buy him underwear that didn't belong to an 8 year old. He did not have an excessively large schlong, nor was he 8 years old, but claimed he needed 'support' for his junk. Umm....boxer briefs and regular briefs do the job. Granted I don't have a penis myself (even though I joke about having one), but even I wouldn't resort to the tightie whities.

Even Josh agrees. I just asked.

But yay for the 1 year anniversary of Obama being elected to office! I quite like that hunk of chocolate. So far he's done more good than harm, and I think it's awesome that the first family grows their own produce. At least Obama can string together a coherent sentence :-D

Since NARAL went down the shitter, I've just kept working for my mom doing random stuff. She's giving me about 30 hours a week, so it's a nice chunk of change. Plus I sometimes get free lunch which is pretty sweet.
linkpost comment

I never knew a respected non-profit could or would pull this kind of BS. [Oct. 27th, 2009|11:04 am]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |Angry Dance from Billy Elliot the Musical]

last night was my first night of 'work' for NARAL last night. the first couple hours were just fine, but then they bent me over and theoretically fucked me up the bum without any lube. i think any gay man can relate to that pain :-P

when i initially was interviewed, the lady told me i had the job and that last night was my observation night and i would be paired up with a field manager and shadow her. it was my 'last chance' to back out of the position if i found it to be something i couldn't do. fair enough right? she also mentioned that my training would last approximately 2-3 weeks.

well, i go out with the field manager and other people that were canvassing- and i learn that we knock on peoples' doors in random communities from 5-9:30 at night give or take. i thought that was kind of odd considering where we were- apple valley being soccer mom USA and all. i mean yea, the reproductive rights issue is important and all- but is it worth interrupting peoples' dinners and parents putting their kids to bed? i think not.

plus, imagine i was in a much more dangerous neighborhood (i.e. north or south minneapolis) ! i'd want to be carrying a gun on me, or at least a knife and some mace. thankfully apple valley is an incredibly safe place.

anyway, so the field manager is giving me information, training me and so forth. for the first half of the night, i thought it was going incredibly well. she was also telling me how great of a job i was doing picking up the 'speech' i was supposed to say while talking to people.

then, at about 8 pm, she tells me that she doesn't think i'm a good fit for the position because i'm not saying the speech EXACTLY (tone and words) like how she's doing it. we were in apple valley last night, so it's not like we were at the office and i could've made my way out. i went with everyone else in the company car, so i got strung along for the last hour and a half. she goes on to add that i should've 'picked up the material by now'. i hadn't a clue i was supposed to be an amazing robot 3 hours into this :-P

also keep in mind, i was never given a script of any kind. i was just expected to memorize what was coming out of this chick's mouth. VERY few people can pick up material like that.

needless to say, i'm less than impressed with NARAL now and plan to complain to the head office. i mean seriously, WHO DOES THAT!?

i think even a 6 year old could've handled the situation better. i've seen all sorts of corporate culture bullcrap just from working in retail, but nothing quite like this.

plus, the other people that were canvassing with me really didn't give me the greatest vibe either. it felt like i was the weird kid nobody wanted to talk to and they were the popular crowd. i mean, they were friendly enough and everything, but i didn't quite believe it.

i'm taking this as me dodging a massive bullet, but at the same time wish it could have been handled much better. if they're going to treat me like that, then they don't deserve me anyway. plus i can still watch all my weeknight shows :-P
link1 comment|post comment

Everything I Know, I Learned In New York. [Oct. 19th, 2009|10:01 am]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |United States, New York, New York]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Property Shop on HGTV]

I'm currently hanging out in NY (Midtown Manhattan to be exact). So far I'm having a ton of fun and still pinching myself to believe that I'm here with my wonderful, gorgeous british friend James.

I learned that the cab fare from the Newark airport to our hotel was $72 not including tip, damn me getting charged an extra fee for wanting a cab during rush hour.

New Yorkers have so far been pretty damn nice to James & I. My sister tells me this is because James is pretty and british- which is well accepted here.

We met up with my sister yesterday to have brunch at this super cute french restaurant in Chelsea and she showed us around many neighborhoods. New York is definitely in a world of its own.

I haven't spent as much money here as I thought I would be....so far my biggest purchase has been $25 at the MTV store in Times Square of all places, lolz. They had a bunch of stuff in there and it was SO cheap! $25 got me 3 shirts, 6 shot glasses, a sticker and a mousepad. Can't beat that!

Last night we went to Junior's and had the ultimate, famous new york style cheesecake. OMG IT WAS SO GOOD, ALMOST BETTER THAN SECKS!!!! We each got our own piece, haha.

Now onto another day of sightseeing and maybe do some more shopping, plus go back to the MTV store cuz 2 of my shot glasses broke when i accidentally dropped them on the floor @ junior's, lol.
linkpost comment

A new chapter :-D [Oct. 8th, 2009|11:54 am]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |Billie Jean- Michael Jackson]

So, I had my interview @ NARAL Pro-Choice MN today. The interviewer lady and I got along incredibly well and she hired me on the spot! That means I'm the new Community Organizer/Canvasser and I do the official paperwork in a couple weeks when I start training! I'm pretty excited!

I get to inspire people to have power over their cooters and raise money for the organization!

I'm sure I'll have many stories to share from working for NARAL :-D
link1 comment|post comment

My milkshake brings all the creepies to the yard. [Oct. 4th, 2009|06:40 pm]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Donna Summer!]

This past week has had more than my fair share of creeptacular moments.

On Tuesday- Josh & I were down in Mankato helping my mom at a conference since her shop was the main vendor there. So I'm greeting people and ringing up their purchases right, this red-haired lady came up to me and asks if I'm Cherri's (my mom) daughter, I say yes and she introduces herself to me (I still have no idea who this woman is) and explains that she met me when I was real little- like 2 or 3. I'm still completely clueless and she tells me that I've grown into an incredibly gorgeous woman and asks how old I am, I say 22.

THEN she tells me that she's been telling her son about me since he was 14 (said son is now 25). She apparently is on a mission to fix me up with her son, and I affirmatively pointed out Josh to her and explained that he was my boyfriend and she says that he seems like a great guy. Creeptacular yes?

So then after she leaves, I pull my mom aside and ask how the crap she knows me and if she knew her- mom says this woman has been a customer of hers since the very beginning of her business. I then tell her that I'm completely creeped out and she asks why and I say, "Mom, the woman has been talking me up to her son for 11 years and only knows my 2 year old self! For all she knows I could've been an alien!"

Josh satisfies me to no end, so I won't be getting with this lady's son anytime soon. Plus, Josh and I live together so there's no chance in hell.

Creeptacular moment #2 just happened about an hour ago. I was at the gym going about my business. After I changed into my workout clothes, I went to use the potty. When I was washing my hands, there was a lady at the sink next to mine and as I was rinsing the soap off my hands and turning off the faucet she goes, "You know, you just totally recontaminated your hands by turning off the faucet with your bare hand without a paper towel on it" I'm thinkin to myself alllright crazy lady...Then she goes on and on about how there are germs everywhere and that everything's contaminated. I bolted outta there and started working out like usual.

After I'm done working out for the day, I go back into the locker room to change, the same lady is there completely nakey (not THAT unusual considering it's a locker room) and I'm changing back into my street clothes. She then turns to me and asks if I've ever had one of those days where I just need to cry and I'm like I guess, sure. And she goes on about how she just spent some time sobbing her eyes out in the sauna, and I'm like alriight...

Thankfully I was almost done changing, so I bolted outta there.

In other non-creeptacular news- I got an interview @ NARAL Pro-Choice MN later this week to be a Community Organizer/Canvasser! I may get paid to tell people that they can have power over their uteri (?), woohoo! When I talked to the lady hiring for it, she seemed to really like me so hopefully I get the job!
link3 comments|post comment

Lots and lots of updates! [Apr. 12th, 2009|11:49 pm]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Jesse McCartney- Not Your Enemy]

Here's what's goin down in my life right now:

>I'm a college graduate as of 3 weeks ago and am frantically trying to find a job- part or full time, doesn't matter. So far no luck.

>Charlie & I broke up. The drama in his life became too much for me to handle. Hopefully he can get stuff together and who knows what the future will hold. Plus, I wasn't sure if he'd be able to hang in my lifestyle. We're from 2 completely different walks of life.

>I'm trying to get back in the habit working out 3-4 times a week. I wish to burn off some unsightly fat, plus it'll help me attract more boyz :-P

>I met a boy named Chris. He's real cute and quite silly! Also, he's from my hometown. We hung out 4 nights in a row and he spent all those nights at my place, ow ow! We'll see where this goes.

>Corinne kicked me out of her wedding party, no more being a bridesmaid for me. I was kicked out because I disagreed with the hairstyle, heaven forbid I actually have an opinion. Alas, she & I are no longer friends. This experience has taught me that weddings make people absolutely insane- no matter how big or small the wedding is.

>This coming thursday, my dad will be having surgery. He's got a hernia in his abdominal wall that needs to stitched up. He's not on the brink of death, don't worry. My sister will be coming home from NYC the night before so we'll all be here when he goes into the operating room.
linkpost comment

my 2nd trip to illinois thus far. [Dec. 20th, 2008|04:34 pm]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |foyer, charlie]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]

I flew outta minneapolis wednesday night after my plane got delayed for an hour. On that plane, I met a jesus freak who was originally from Illinois, but was coming home from college in California. As we got off the plane, she gave me a pamphlet and wanted me to have internet chats about the jesus. I threw the flyer away in the women's bathroom garbage at the Peoria airport. I also met a girl on the plane who had her puppy with her! It was adorable and I pet it!

Anyway, I'm having a good time so far. Charlie's wonderful and sweet like always. But man oh man, his family gives me headaches. From what I've experienced, they're good people but man are they stupid about a lot of things. There's a lot of dysfunction present, and bitching about each other makes up 97% of the conversation. I get along with them just fine and are incredibly quick to invite me wherever they go.

His great aunt and the uncle he lives with bitch about Charlie quite openly in front of me and hope I can "straighten him out". It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, plus I have NO idea what to say cuz I don't want their attacks to be toward me either. As far as I know, they really do like me and think Charlie's incredibly lucky to have me. The things they bitch at him about are things I can understand getting upset about, but they're going overboard with it.

Like, his aunt feels she has the right to go through all of his mail and she freaks out at him for money he might owe for a bill or something like that. I actually saw her go through his mail this morning after I got out of the bathroom when she came to pick me up for the family outing. Talk about an awkward situation.

Now I completely understand why he wants to leave the state and his family so badly. If I were in his shoes, I'd feel the same way. Just being around these people for a few hours of the day gives me a headache because of how much they bitch and how stupid they are in general. I so badly just want to scream at them and make them realize how stupid they're acting and how badly they handle problems.

Now, I'm not gonna say that Charlie's completely perfect and doesn't have his share of faults, but these people act like he's so low on the food chain that he's a waste of space. They make his mistakes to be so much bigger than they really are and are trying to prevent him from really succeeding in life.

Sadly enough, he's one of few people in his family that even graduated from high school, that's right HIGH SCHOOL. I think they secretly want him to be miserable like they are with their lives.

In Conclusion, his family is a complete 180 from mine, and of virtually any other boyfriend I've ever had. Despite his family being stupid and bitching a lot, I'm not letting that prevent me from having a good time with my lovey. He's what's keeping me going here. I'll be sad to leave like I was last time.

Imma go have a snack and wait for Charlie to get home from work. I'll be home tuesday night, hopefully if the weather doesn't suck.
linkpost comment

3 months!? holy shet. [Nov. 4th, 2008|03:57 pm]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |Girls Aloud- Whole Lotta History]

3 months since I've written here that is!

Much has happened!

I have one quarter left of school to go till I graduate, can't wait! I'm not sure whether I wanna go onto more schooling or just try to find a big girl job- both will be hard to do in this economy, but I don't wanna be a bum either. If I were to start elsewhere next fall, no student loans will be given out- so I'll be screwed. Monster has given me a few leads on jobs, but none are jobs I'm qualified for, and the 2 companies that actually wanted to interview me were actually scams- looked them up on RipOffReport.com, great site by the way.

I'm dating a guy named Charlie. He's great. I love him tons. We live 2 states apart but we're not letting that stop us. Hell, I drove 8 hours to see him and I don't regret it one bit. I'll do it again and again, plus my car gets amazing mileage & gas prices keep goin down, FTW!!! I truly feel complete with him and he's the first guy I've dated where I have absolutely no wall to hold up with. I really can be myself with him without censoring myself in any way. Plus, he's as in this as I am and words really can't describe how happy he makes me.

I plan on driving down to Illinois again in December to see him after my current term ends. Hopefully the weather won't be sucky. Plus, it'd be nice to have a vacation! The plan is I'd drive down there wednesday morning then come back the day before Christmas Eve. I'd just be sitting at home anyway if I wasn't going to see him, since even during holiday season I won't be getting more hours necessarily. All my boss has asked is if I can work both the saturday and sunday after black friday.

I already requested the days in which I plan on going to Illinois off, so yeah.

Over these past few months, I've become to hate Joe more and more. Dan & I have definitely put this crazy puzzle together and he broke off his friendship w/Joe. He's still denying paternity for Crystal's baby even though TWO DNA tests were done (blood and cheek swab) and were conclusive to him being the dad. His family has hired Milavetz, Gallop & Milavetz (yes, the firm that has TV commercials) to defend them in court- but they only do 5% of their cases in family law, they're injury lawyers!! Shows how stupid he and his family are. Also, just realizing how BAD of a boyfriend he was and how stupid I was to put up with his backstabbing, conniving and manipulative behavior for so long. I'm past the point of being angry, now I flat out hate him and laugh at him hysterically.

Supposedly he quit his job as a TA @ the U to get out of paying for child support. *laughs and snorts*

He fails as a human and is a waste of flesh.

Anyway, I have my Intro to Film midterm tonight. Shall be easy, my professor claims it'll only take a half hour to do. And our take home test I got done in like, 15 minutes.

I voted earlier today too, I hope you did too.
linkpost comment

having a new set of wheelz and educating my grandparents on animal testing. [Aug. 12th, 2008|09:00 am]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |awake]
[music |Kajagoogoo- Too Shy]

I drove sparky back to my parents' house yesterday and upgraded to CLARENCE! He's a 98 black accord, so basically a newer, sexier version of Sparky haha. I cleaned out Sparky quite a bit since he was a filthy little pig, also since I was moving into Clarence, who by the way is quite a bit roomier :-D And leather interior as well, rarr. But the leather isn't black, it's grey LOL.

Also while I was home yesterday, my grandparents came over for a visit since my mom bought a couple laser hair removal treatments for my grandma for her birthday. Grandpa basically hung out with my sister and I and asked us to show him a website one of his work colleagues had mentioned to him (my grandparents don't own a computer, nor do they even know how to operate one). That was an interesting experience to say the least, my sister was explaining every little thing- and I just stopped talking after a bit since pretty much everything I said seemed to be too complicated for grandpa to understand, oh well. Guess I won't teach old people how to use a computer, plus I wouldn't have the patience :-P

Mom & Grandma came back to the house and we all visited for a while. Grandpa works as a sales rep for a bunch of really small companies that sell stuff to dollar stores and such, and like usual he has a couple catalogs that he wanted my sister & I to look through to see if there was anything we wanted. The catalogs he had this time were for two makeup lines, as you guys know I don't wear makeup- and I've tried stuff from this line before and it's complete crap so naturally I didn't want ANYTHING from it.

I didn't wanna make grandpa feel bad by telling him I didn't want anything from it, and I mean they've seen me millions of times, they know I don't wear makeup on a regular basis. But I ask if the stuff is tested on animals that they know about (I honestly didn't know and I don't like to use stuff that has anyway). Grandpa had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, Grandma was just confused. And I'm like a lot of cosmetics, especially cheaper ones are tested on animals, I refuse to use anything that's been tested on them.

Mom added that many companies inject potential products into an animal's eyes to see if they get a reaction and if they do it probably won't be manufactured for humans etc etc. Grandpa asks well what all is tested and I'm like everything, cuz well, pretty much every kind of beauty product has been tested on animals, and he's like well what about nail polish. I'm like they'll sometimes brush it directly on the animal or like mom said inject in into an animal's eyes. Grandma & Grandpa were like hmm well we don't know if they are or not, I'd assume not, not sure if you'd be able to find out from the internet (oh little they know about the internetz heh).

So we all get back inside and jus kinda roam around for a little bit. I get onto my parents' computer and go on Google and try to look up info on this company and if they test on animals or not. I go through about 5 pages of results, there's absolutely NOTHING that says either way. I'm not gonna take my chances, and if you can't find information either way, then there's a good chance they test on animals. So sorry grandpa, I won't be getting anything.

As my grandparents were leaving we're still all chatting and everything and he makes a small joke that these products are only tested on "full grown and purebred dogs". I know it wasn't meant to be insulting or derogatory to me in any way, but it made me feel incredibly uneasy. My mom & sister chuckled a little bit, I just stood there stonefaced. To me it was like, did they not just get what I was talking about? I honestly did feel a little insulted.

After they left, my sister makes a comment to me about how I was rude to them by asking if the makeup line was tested on animals. I don't feel I was rude about it, I simply asked if the products were indeed tested on animals. Perhaps maybe the way it came out came off as accusatory, but I believe in not using stuff that's been tested on animals- with exception to my acne prescriptions. She also mentioned that I was rude for not laughing at grandpa's comment, but I'm like I know it wasn't meant to be an insult or a derogatory comment about my beliefs, but I did feel insulted- would you rather I cuss at my grandfather and tell him that that comment was a distasteful comment? I don't think so. They ARE still my grandparents after all and they are good people, just a little ignorant is all.

I just have this feeling that it'll be brought up again, whether it be through a harmless joke or whatnot. Like I said, my grandparents have the greatest intentions of the world and are probably the most loving and accepting people one will ever meet. I'll be seeing them next week for my grandma's birthday- pretty much all my family will be there and my sister suggested we pick out the stuff from the catalogs we all want then instead of yesterday. I'll still keep searching the internetz for info that guides me either way, plus if it's true that they really don't test on animals- it could a potential selling point for him too.

So apparently I was rude and brash, but I'm sorry, I HATE ignorance and refuse to put up with something I believe in being joked about in such a stupid way. When I said I felt insulted, my sister just told me to grow up and that "this is why progressives get so much crap, they can't take a fucking joke". Mind you, my sister & I share the same political beliefs and what not, and I mean I guess I do agree with that statement to a point- but I still don't excuse ignorance for that kind of thing. I mean, my mom & I JUST educated my grandparents about this, and my grandpa has the balls to make a joke about it? I don't think so. All I can say is there are PLENTY of conservatives that can't take a joke either, so that may not be the best argument to use on me big sis *smirk*

I did react rather harshly to my sister saying those comments to me, but she came at me with an incredibly bitchy and "i'm better than you since I've lived with environmentalists" attitude. Like I'm gonna take well to that! Especially since she's put me through hell pretty much since I was 5. She claims she was trying to "have a discussion" with me. Okay, if you're going to do that, don't talk down to me like I'm nothing and don't make me feel like I can't be my true self around you- cuz I honestly feel like I can't around her. She likes to nitpick at me and nags me ALL the time when we're both home.

She also got mad when I took a bottle of water when mom offered it to me yesterday and was like, "dammit Steph, why don't you just drink the water from the tap!?", I'm like "Mom offered it to me, I was thirsty, I took it. Plus the water from the tap is nasty and there isn't a water filter" and she's jus like uhhhh fine! my mom was like wtf!? when it happened cuz she didn't hear all that my sister said, but then I explained and she's like oh geez LOL.

Just wait till I refuse to eat the pheasants my grandpa & uncles hunt every year. I almost always do anyway since, I don't like pheasant. But I also don't really support hunting and don't endorse eating something that's been killed for the sake of male bonding. It just sounds so barbaric to me.

Perhaps I am being too harsh on my poor grandparents, but at the same time it's like damn- look at the world around you, be aware! They're good people and don't project themselves as or are ignorant rednecks or anything so maybe I shouldn't be so angry. I really can't help it though, especially since my sister reacted so negatively to my being a bit upfront and not so "accommodating" to their generation.

But no matter what, I'll stick up for what I believe in- I don't care whether it's my grandparents or someone I'm in class with. I know other relatives on my mom's side would understand and support me if I say something, especially my vegetarian cousin :-P
linkpost comment

i wrote my happiness post too soon. [Jul. 14th, 2008|09:48 am]
bellenuitetoile
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |nauseatednauseated]
[music |definitely not U2.]

Derek & I broke up last night.

He dumped me. claimed our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I and other close male friends are convinced that line was a complete cop out.

it still feels like this really bad nightmare that I can't wake up from. i actually had deep, strong feelings for him and he knows stuff about me that pretty much no other guy knows. i completely had my guard down with him and this is the thanks i get for being completely open.

Jason came over last night to help console me, he managed to get my mind off of it for a while. He & I talked about stuff and he hugged me a lot. But as soon as he left, everything came rushing back and I started bawling again. I tried to calm myself down enough to sleep, but that didn't work. It took me about 3 hours to get to sleep, and ended up only sleeping for about 4.5-5 hours give or take.

This is probably the hardest I've cried and the most hurt I've felt in about 2 years. I know he & I weren't together for an incredibly long time, but it felt like we really had something great. He was the first boyfriend of mine that my parents liked and I got on well with his family, plus managed to form a friendship with his brother.

Last night his brother told me he saw me as a future sister in law. No one's ever told me that before, and naturally it's an incredibly nice and flattering sentiment. We had it all going for us. I realized it, why couldn't Derek? Perhaps he's just not ready for greatness yet.

I just can't believe I completely fell for everything he said and did. I thought he actually was into me. All I can say is that he did a fabulous job of completely fooling me and now making me feel and look like a complete idiot.

I guess the phrase fuck, or get fucked is completely true. Never again will I let my guard down. Never again will I be so open with my emotions with a guy. Especially if this is what I get in return. Love incredibly sucks and man did I get burned, to a crisp.

I know not all guys are scum, I've always had hope of finding my prince charming. Even now I haven't lost that hope, but now I'm even more scared to put myself out there with fear of this happening again. AND if I feel like a relationship isn't going anywhere, I'll actually TALK to the guy about it instead of completely crushing him and breaking things off.

He honestly doesn't realize what he could've had with me. I know I'm a great catch and an amazing person in general, what was wrong with me?

My gut was DEAD ON this week then. I had a feeling that he was tired of me and didn't like me anymore. I had a feeling I was going to be saying "I just got dumped" relatively soon. I just hoped I was completely overreacting and making something out of nothing. But no, I was completely right and I'll most certainly trust my gut more often.

Right now I just feel a complete array of emotions that I can't really put into words. I'm completely numb. Like I've said, I know I'm a great catch and a great friend to anyone who's a great friend to me- but what have I done to deserve to be treated so poorly by the men I've dated?

I really have done nothing but treat the guys I've dated like royalty. I've cared for them, been a confidante, a shoulder to cry on, had my arms wide open when they've needed me, been my awesome self, always been incredibly pretty, let them know my intelligence. Perhaps I did overreact to a few minor things they may have done or said, but we all have our moments right? I always apologized for any injustice I was a part of, I was the woman who womaned up and would prove that I was different from the rest when other girls did heinous things to them.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so determined to prove myself to be different from the rest. If I knew then what happened now, I would not have gotten Derek's parents flowers the first time I met them. I know I should be the stronger one about this and gotten my revenge in finding another guy and perhaps going into his work and gone at it right in front of him, but I can't really bear finding someone else. All I know is, the next one's gonna have to try harder than ever to prove himself worthy of my affection.

I really thought I found my happy ending and completely let myself fall and thought he would catch me, thought we had the happy ending I've always wanted. I know there's someone else out there for me, perhaps I've already met him and don't know it.

Right now I'm shaking like I have Parkinson's and feeling like I could hyperventilate at any moment.

I just hope Derek's happy with the chaos that's ensued. He made my incredibly angry side come out, no more happy, lively Stephy. At least for now.

Hopefully I can pull myself together to have dinner with my parents tonight. It's my dad's birthday today. They're truly gonna be sad when I tell them the news. He was the first boyfriend of mine they liked.

Excuse me while I continue to be a complete emotional wreck.
link2 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]